Recovering after dating a borderline

This is not helpful and certainly not an easy quality to deal with in someone you share your life with, but the key to it working is understanding why the person does the things they do so you can work together to help them.

But if I could get people to understand only one thing about being in a relationship with a person with BPD, it’s that we do not enjoy or take pleasure from our behaviour.

Dropping a message before you start working for the day to say you have a busy one ahead, but you’re thinking of them and will call later, will stop the midday freak out, because they know you care about them and they know you’re OK.

If you’re unhappy with them, don’t act cold and distant – be up front and speak to them so you both understand each other and this can help them stay in control of their emotions.

To understand why our reactions can be so adverse, our partner needs to understand that because of our illness, we think differently in some ways to others.

Paranoia is a common symptom among people with BPD, and this can blow not replying to a text, because your phone was on silent, into your partner thinking you have been hit by a bus/run away with the circus/are having an affair with your boss, in under 30 minutes.

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