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ASK THE EXPERT: QI have been married 10 years and we have four children aged 9, 7, 6 and 4.Recently, I discovered that my husband has been using adult chat rooms online and seems to have been communicating in sexually explicit ways with other people.This should be time you have alone perhaps when the children are in bed and to make sure it is distraction free (with the computer and TV turned off).In addition, try to have at least one special evening a week when you get a baby-sitter when you can do some new things together. The biggest prize of a successful marriage is closeness and intimacy – which allow a couple to accept and support one another on a deep level.To continue with this process you may wish to seek marriage counselling ( relationshipsireland.com, accord.ie).There is a good chance of success for the two of you, if your husband accepts responsibility for what he has done and if the two of you are willing to work hard on improving your marriage.Up until this, I thought things were okay in our marriage, though of course we haven’t had much couple time with the demands of four children but this discovery has come as a bolt out of the blue.It wouldn’t have been as bad if he was just accessing porn, as I know men do this, but the fact that he was talking to other people has really disgusted me.
For example you can prioritise a daily talking time with your husband when you share how each of you are doing.Support groups are open to anyone, but they are often focused on specific topics (i.e. So, take some time and do some research to find the right one for you and your current situation. Do not be discouraged if the first support group you find doesn't quite feel right.You should feel comfortable in the support group space that you choose, so trying different ones may help you determine the best fit.Improving the marriage The discovery of your husband’s online world is a crisis in your marriage but it can also represent an opportunity.You could see this as a “wake-up call in your marriage to examine problems in the communication between the two of you and to address this.